“It’s unbelievably sensual, plunging me into an open ended plateau phase. He also says that not being able to orgasm, or even use his penis during sex, makes sex better.
“In normal life, it’s a comforting presence and a reminder of ownership, like a wedding ring,” he says. Giles* wears a chastity device almost every day.
"There’s also the masochistic thrill of not being able to get off.” “We all know the phrase ‘who wears the trousers,’ right?” “We live in a society that tends to quiet or shame a female-led relationship,” Shira says. She appreciates that the kink challenges patriarchal ideas around sex-that it gives the control (literally and psychologically) to the woman. She also enjoys the kink in her spare time with her partner.
Shira is a professional domme and a “keyholder,” meaning she keeps the keys of the chastity devices of a number of her male clients. This subversion of traditional gender norms can be appealing to women, too. "Chastity has given me a greater appreciation for what women go through and deal with in a male dominated world.” “Our relationship is better and stronger than ever and I don’t think we’ve ever been happier or more in love with each other," he says. Now, Tom says exploring the kink has brought them closer together. "She told me to let her think about it.”Įventually, they started discussing it more, and Tom even bought his wife a book on the subject. “I did a horrible job trying to explain myself, I was so nervous and nothing I was saying was coming out right," Tom remembers. The kink seemed, to Tom, like the perfect way to explore those things, but it took him a couple of weeks to work up the courage to tell his wife. He quickly realized he was interested in taking a more submissive role during sex, and that relinquishing control could be a great release. Tom*, 37, from Idaho, discovered chastity by accident while browsing a porn site. "One of the reasons this kink is so popular, but still taboo, is that we’re afraid of that dynamic, we’re afraid, still, of female control and dominance.” “It comes, in part, from a desire to give over control, to escape from your role," she says. Not least: why the hell would anyone want to lock their genitals in a cage, app controlled or otherwise?įor a lot of men, gender norms can lead to huge pressure to behave in certain ways-and a kink like chastity can be a safe escape from that, says Gigi Engle, a certified sex educator and author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life. For people unfamiliar with chastity kink, this story raised a lot of questions. Some guys wearing smart chastity devices connected to apps received threatening texts from hackers who were literally holding their genitals to ransom. So while chastity may have started out as a way of containing and controlling female sexuality (or, at least, as an elaborate cultural joke about controlling female sexuality), today, chastity has taken on a very different meaning.Įarly in 2021, chastity kink hit the headlines by way of a rather unfortunate hacking story.
Chastity kink is a broad spectrum, ranging from foreplay, where a person might abstain from sex or be locked up in a physical device for a short period of time, to a full blown lifestyle, where the (literal) keys to a guy’s sexual freedom are controlled by a partner for days, weeks, or even months at a time. There are literally hundreds of products to choose from on specialty websites, from metal devices with a lock and key, to smart devices that can be controlled via an app. When we hear the word "chastity" we probably think about the Middle Ages, and the metal cages that men would supposedly force their wives or daughters to wear to protect their "virtue." In fact, there’s some debate among academics about whether chastity devices were widely used during this period, or even if they existed at all.īut today, chastity devices are certainly real.